i'm here, and i'm just living life.

that is all.

hello?

updating.

i've been out of the loop here and in reality. i haven't talked to too many people in a while. i'm doing okay. still getting over some issues. that may take some time. but i'm cool. or "gucci" as they say.

i went to new orleans for thanksgiving weekend. aw-ful. wow. it was bad. like, the worst trip ever, i think. so many failures and losses. spent too much money, didn't really have any fun, etc. i went with the same friend with whom i went to puerto rico in july. i still haven't uploaded pictures. sorry.

besides that, nothing much going on. reconsidering a lot of things in life right now. wondering if certain things are worth fighting for. trying to slowly learn to take better care of myself and my emotions.

just been trying to enjoy life. i go out sometimes, hang out with a few people. really, the more i sit around, the sadder i am. i need to break out of it. i finally got back on my thyroid medicine, so that might help my mood. i hope so. right now, i'm sick. there are numerous possibilities: strep throat, the common cold, mononucleosis. i need to stop sharing drinks/food/hookah hoses with people. sheesh!

school's lame. i had to apply for re-admission and found out that i missed the deadline. cried like a baby. then found out that i may be okay. but still can't register for classes because i'm still not completely re-admitted. this sucks. people need to get on their job. dang. so, still not sure if i'll be back in school in spring. this is so frustrating.

My kids have been helping me feel like i have a purpose. by kids, i mean the refugee kids i work with. i love them so much, like, seriously. we're constantly getting new families in from somalia. it's such a joy to work with them.

Hmmm... trying to think. not much else... all right.

update on whereabouts

it's been nearly a month since i've posted. just thought i'd kind of update on my life.

i'm doing okay, more or less. i just got back from nashville this past monday. i went up there for a conference (job-related) and then stayed for the weekend to hang with my best friend and cousin. it was also tsu homecoming weekend, so nashville was hella insane. but i had a good time. went to murfreesboro, went to downtown nashville (which promptly shuts down at 2:30 AM), and met with a somali man who gave me some tips on starting a somali community organization. oh, then i had somali food from a place called maringo. i recommend it to anyone who may travel to nashville.

so, it seems like new orleans for thanksgiving weekend is set in stone. my friend and i are supposed to be going. we're renting a car and staying right outside (well, 30 min outside) of the city. i'm mad excited about going. i haven't been since around 2001-ish. i can't really even remember. but it'll be interesting to see post-katrina. anyone with new orleans connections, please put me up on good restaurants, things to do, etc. also, where's the masjid?

besides that, still been a lil down about some things in life, but i keep trying to remind myself not to be such a damn bummer. yaaaay! *sigh*

a lil less negativa :)

every day, i'm becoming more and more interested in music (please go away haraam police, if you're here). i saw a special last night (well, the last few minutes of it, anyway) on pbs called "latin music usa." all I caught was something about reggaeton (daddy yankee), latin rappers (pitbull), and rock en español (juanes). really interesting. i hate i missed most of it.

i'm always thinking about how i can incorporate music into studies of public health. i have vaguely mentioned it before. i'm not in school this semester because i'm taking a break to de-stress and semi-find-myself. but these thoughts of music are making me want to jump back in and focus research and time on music, the latino community and other immigrant populations in my city, and sexual health. i'm gonna figure it out.

i went to a safety workshop yesterday and heard a guy talk about the gang problem here in my city. he made a really good point that i always think about when thinking about music. if you really want to know what young people are doing, thinking, etc., listen to the music that's popular. in terms of his topic of interest (gangs), that music would be rap music, particularly local rap music. i mean, it really does kind of behoove adults to know and understand what their kids (or even their kids' peers) are listening to, watching, and generally doing. if i ever have kids (for which my hopes are starting to look very bleak), i'd like to be that parent who knows all the popular music, movies, tv shows, clothing, etc. i'm not obligated to live in some sort of parallel universe that is completely devoid of the pleasures of the youth. i don't want to try to be "cool" (or whatever term they may be using at that time). i just want to be aware.

back to normal, anyway... i've learned a lot. i keep thinking that God always knows what's up, you know? i mean, nothing major had happened other than the fact that i was simply stressed, so i decided to take a break from mph. but then what ends up happening after that? my grandmother passed away (causing me to leave town for a few days), i experienced a(nother) break-up (causing me to really start re-evaluating whether or not i'm even interested in taking that step at all), my job got tougher and i got my own caseload (causing me to be extremely busy at work). so imagine if i had been in school? how super-stressed would i have been? i'm glad that something told me to quit while i was ahead. i should start preparing to go back in january. it's time to register now. i need to get in touch with my advisor.

I'm sort of beginning to give up on a lot of things. If I could, as I did with my classes at the university, drop my life, I would. Like, just kind of stop life at this point and somehow miraculously be able to pick back up at a later point, I would. But even with school, I'm starting to think that I don't even feel like starting again. I said I'd go back in the Spring semester. But, hmmm... Whether or not that will happen is up in the air. I just need a good, long break. I really do.

I'm hoping/planning to go to New Orleans during Thanksgiving weekend. Initially, I was going to go to the Bayou Classic, but I don't know anymore. But I've been wanting to go to NOLA since Katrina anyway. I already got a room booked in LaPlace, LA (maybe 20 min from NO). Now, it's determining if I want to rent a car or take the train... And who I would go with... I still have time to figure it all out.

Besides that, still wondering if I want to go somewhere for my birthday weekend in February, which is also Valentine's Day Weekend... (yaaay! /end sarcasm). I've been really thinking NYC or Toronto, but I don't know. It'll be cold. That's no fun. My cousin and I were thinkin PR again. We'll see. I just need to get the hell outta dodge. ASAP.

well....

i am now "single and ready to mingle." or maybe not so ready. bleh.

also,

i am off of facebook, at least temporarily.
i am laying low from the local muslim community for an indefinite period of time.

i just don't need the questions, judgment, and general bull.

the ending of it was slightly messy, but i'm fine. thank God.

anyway, just thought i'd put that out there.

good day.

I respect this

I really enjoyed reading this entry by HijabMan.

http://hijabman.com/journal/hijabmans-personal-approach-to-islam-work-in-progress

it's been a while...

A lot has been going on lately. If you know me on FaceBook or Twitter, you should know that I am in North Carolina for my Nana's (grandmother's) funeral. She passed away on Monday, September 28. The funeral is today at 3 PM at the church, but the wake (family quiet hour) was last night at the funeral home. Lots of people came. It's been a little difficult. I try to keep myself sane, but it's tough because my dad, along with my aunts, uncles, and cousins who have grown up closer to her have been so messed up about it and have taken it so hard.

Besides that, just additional personal drama. I've been telling myself how much I need to do better, but actually doing better is the difficult part. It's so much easier said than done when it comes to being a better person. I'm just ready to move away from M and start my life over. I have so much negative history in M. I need to get away and get a fresh start in life. That, also, is so much easier said than done.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here, but I am taking a semester off from school right now. I took classes for a week, but I decided that I simply couldn't do it. So stressed out. So, my graduation is delayed at least a semester. At this point, I really don't care anymore. I'm getting so frustrated with everything now. I think it really is just about being in M. I hate it. And the hatred for M got a lot more intense after I was robbed. I realise that can happen anywhere, but I think it's just knowing that M is supposed to be either the first or second (depending on who you ask) most dangerous city in the US. I'm just ready to move on with my life.

Grrrrr! I don't want to be negative, but it's getting harder and harder not to be.

Eid Mubarak!

Eid Mubarak!

It's over. Hamdulillah. We made it through.

Eid here was nice, outside of all the rain. I'm sure anyone in the US who's been watching the news has heard about the Southeastern US' monsoon. I'm not sure what's going on. It's been raining like bananas here. Today's been okay, hamdulillah. And yesterday was pretty good...

Anyway, to the left is a picture of my outfit that I wore for Eid. I got everything from my favorite store. Can anyone guess what that is?

I hung out with all sorts of people on Eid. After prayers, I went to my Indian friends' house and ate a little. Then, I went to a Pakistani family's house (where I saw other Pakistanis as well as African-Americans, Indians, and Arabs) and ate more. Then, spent time at my Somali friend and her Mauritanian husband's house (along with some Senegalese, Mexican-American, and Indian friends/acquaintances) where I could no longer eat anything, so I just had a couple cookies and coffee. :) And next week, iA, I'm going to an East African (i.e. Somali, Oromo, etc.) party. Yaaaay!

Speaking ooooffff..... As I've mentioned a lot on Twitter and Facebook, I've been meeting and making friends with a lot of Somali people because of the Refugee Tutoring Program I volunteer with. Well, I've sort of "adopted" a few of the little kids from the program. Their names are Abdi, Mohamed, and Zacarias. I take them to school in the morning because their parents don't have a car and the school is relatively far. Well, while at Eid prayers, I was talking to an old friend who's Somali, I found out that she is close friends to the family that I take to school. And she said that she's interested in starting a Somali community group here in M that can help the Somali community with things that they need. She asked for my help! I'm not Somali, but I feel a very close connection to Somali people, particularly because I'm always mistaken for a Somali. :) Anyway, I'm really excited about the possibility of having a Somali community association here! It would definitely be a great resource for them!

peace

i disappeared for a minute.

can i be honest for a moment?

frankly, i'm kind of glad that ramadhan is almost over. my mood has been really awful as a result of fasting, and i have been so exhausted. i have a few days to make up due to lady times (which is actually happening right now, but finishing up).

i did not get the most out of fasting this year. i really experienced a lot of misses, and i really need to get myself in check.

i have so much to be thankful for, but at the same time, i also have a lot i need to get together in my life.

seriously, y'all, please just make duaa / pray / think positive thoughts for me. i certainly need it.

early eid mubarak & happy rosh hashanah (shana tova).